She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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