are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
