so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
