...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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