girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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