This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
