Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
