Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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