ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
