Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
