sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
