Whod you bang
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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