I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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