Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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