The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
