i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
