i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
