"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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