Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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