i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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