It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
