three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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