Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
