How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
