if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
