Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
