Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
