I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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