i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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