I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
