I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
