Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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