he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize