i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize