drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
