well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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