the condom got lost in my hair
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
