i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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