Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
