Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
