Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
