I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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