she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
