I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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