i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize