i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
