I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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