She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All the doctor said was why
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
