I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
