Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
