It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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