Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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