It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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