shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
