I hope mine doesn't look like that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
