I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
