totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
