so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
