and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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