I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
