quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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