Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
