Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
