I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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