Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
