Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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