I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
