I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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