took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
