dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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