i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
