I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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