Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
